PHI 24-WAS 16 :
Nickfolian Dynamite propels Eagles to 4-6 record
In other news, Philadelphia to recruit Pacman Jones to join Michael Vick and Riley Cooper to complete the “All Damaged Goods Team” .
PIT 37-DET 27:
Pittsburg buoyed to victory by “Roethlisberger tri-fecta”
1) Wins game with gusty performance.
2) Drinks like a champion (see t-shirt).
3) Hits on unsuspecting co-eds while yelling “All-in-a-days-work!”
IND 30-TEN 27:
Colts get “Lucky”
Titans get “silence” as no Daft Punk song applies to an underachieving team with a mediocre quarterback.
ARI 27- JAX 14 :
Cardinals soar to victory on the wings of a Honey Badger
Arizona safety (Tyler Mathieu) plays shut down defense; cast of Zoobiliee Zoo feel weirdly “left out”.
Monday Night: CA 24-NE 20:
Tom Brady crushed by Panthers, crushes on cougars.
Yells “I am what I am” as he flirts with soccer moms, looks on as Gronkowski spikes balls, punch, and watermelons with reckless abandon.